mere

i et kort sekund indfangede det mig i sit spind
det lokkede, forførte og sugede mig problemfrit ind
i et øjeblik mistede jeg kontrollen og lod det ske
jeg overgav mig til troen om, at det kunne blive til
men jeg af alle ved, det aldrig og atter kan være
jeg er urokkelig i mine overbevisninger om mere
mere til livet end blot den krakelerende illusion
der evigt og altid vil efterlade den enkelte som kujon
når naiviteten sætter ind, og vi finder tro på mirakler
som er uvirkelige, umulige og aldrig når deres løfter
falder vi smertefuldt og mærker den fatale virkelighed
som ikke rummer et eneste gram af den ufattelige kærlighed
der er ikke romancer, kærlighed og evige bånd og drømme
der er forblindelse, illusioner og bristende planer
intet udstår nogensinde dets prøvelser i længden
og det vil hurtigt forsvinde og rinde ud i tiden
jeg tror bare ikke på det, for det kan ikke eksistere
og jeg har ikke evnerne til nogensinde at tro på det mere

complexity

who taught us to speak in silence?
who taught us to avoid the use of words?
who taught us to leave things behind us
when all we felt was hurt?

when did we stop telling how we feel?
when it'll only make us doubt if it's real?
how are we to know what to say and do
when we never really have a single clue?
I lie, I pretend and do what I think you want
and I forget what I need and what I really want
I search for the answers by questioning my self
and it will leave me inexplicable once again
I can't find the solution to insolvable things
I can't create inconceivable miracles out of nothing
I am merely just a girl made of nothing but life
and I seem to be the only to whom I can confide
all the broken dreams which arose from dark
as they were legally breaking my easy heart
I am tired of reading everything in to nothing
and I am tired of watching all the killing
all the killing of the things that could be
exactly what we all are longing to see
I am tired of lying to make it seem real
and I am tired of defining how I feel
it should be easy to know when to cry
it should be even easier to let it die
to laugh should be so simple and plain
and every try really shouldn't be in vain
how did happiness ever become so complex?
and how did we so easily find a way into distress?

things I am not proud of

I stayed too long, I wasn't strong
I couldn't leave, I was misconceived

I could easily have left for the sake of my babies
but it was not that easy to give up on my fantasies
my faith in forever and happily ever after with a man
who was loving me painfully and endlessly down in the sand
I lost my foothold and I slipped down in the abyss of pain
and all of the plans, hopes and dreams just came to nothing
I gave up on those who I should have chosen instead of him
and for that I feel ashamed and for giving so foolishly in
the forgiveness I met on the way as I was going back home
was undeserved but I had never made all alone on my own
I tried to be strong and pretend as if I was independent
but I failed in keeping up my facades by acting contended
I simply could not find the strength to watch him happy
carring on smiling and doing perfectly fine without me
and for my lack of indifference to his very being
I feel small, incredibly stupid and deeply wrong
in my search for more to life I found several men
and yet I did the same mistake all over again
surely I could not devote myself to their attention
since I was still intoxicated from my previous addiction
but I easily lost track of myself in their words
to avoid and comprehend more damage or hurt
and I am embarresed that I had to take advantage of men
only to get a fragile hold of myself again
and as I later experienced that I had always been wrong
in things I had defended in my belief of love
I must honestly apologize to those I have criticized
for trying to prove me wrong and make me realise
that I did not need to suffer for my convictions
it's forgivable to be wrong and then change them
it took a while and a lot to make it that far
but finally I made it where they probably are
I've learned to trust in the right kind of people
instead of giving myself away to the ones who are evil
I am so much more than he ever made of me
and I am so grateful for those who made me see
though the means and ways have been slightly wrong
I don't any longer need anyone's love to rely on

I am not proud of who I was and what I've done
but I am proud of who I am and what I've become

(almost) forever

It's written all over your face
that you're broken and feel misplaced
how I wish to take your weakened hand
and tell you I'll always be your man
I'll replace all of those idiotic fools
who have made all of these ridiculous rules
as you and all of the other tiny girls
have based your lives on and created your worlds
you're my baby and I can't stand to watch you cry
and as the others you don't really understand why
all of the words could fall so easily apart
and how you could end up with a broken heart
he'd promised to love you forever and more
and now you're silently laying on the floor
you embrace the pain as if you deserve it
but I tell you, it isn't worth it
you're so much better than any I've ever met
and he's the one who's going to regret
the loss he will suffer from losing you
and I know that it was all you had left to do
but there's almost a forever in everyone
you just havn't find the actual one
who can give you more than almost and near by
which will only lead to tears and make you cry
no, someday you'll find a forever and always
who will be worth all the losses and tries

atter

jeg venter til stadighed på det
der skal få det hele til at ske
jeg venter i troen på det bedste
fordi jeg intet har at miste
jeg har mistet så mange gange før
og jeg ved nu, at jeg ikke dør
af de smerter andre forvolder
uanset hvor meget jeg holder
af de minder de tager med
ved jeg, det ikke varer ved
med tiden vil det passere
og det vil ikke være her mere

tiden er mere end bare relativ
og måske er jeg blot en anelse naiv
men jeg vil så gerne tro på mere
at det virkelig kan eksistere
men jeg ved jo godt, det ikke hænder
det er aldrig evigt, det ender
intet er stærkere end andet
og vi tager hinanden med i faldet
vi falder i ord af smerte og skrig
fordi vi ikke kan magte, hvad der skal til
vi har ikke styrke og mod
til at finde vej i vores rod
af forvirrende tanker og smerter
som har plantet sig i vores hjerter

jeg vil ikke holde på troen mere
for jeg har ikke evner til at forcere
et smil der antyder troen på noget større
når jeg kun tror på ting, der bliver til værre
kærlighed er blot en selvkreeret illusion
skabt af de der ikke vil være alene og itu
men alting kan samles, limes og heles
og alle ting kan jo bare deles
deles mellem to der tror de elsker
og når det ender, er det svært at miste
så jeg holder på mit af frygt og viden
for jeg vil ikke miste mig selv i tiden
jeg vil ikke falde i kløerne på det
der har sat alt for mange knuste hjerter til
jeg vil være hel og ikke knækkes fordi
jeg atter og igen ikke er mulig at befri
fra fortidens tyranniserende væsen og dybde
som endnu og atter gør mig umulig at elske